A few months back, I took an affectionate look at the wonderful world of user comments & reviews from the world famous Internet Movie Database. This month I continue my look at Internet Critics, this time looking at those films that only a mother could love. Films that are so bad they are just, well bad. Well, at least for most people…Catwoman is a terrible movie. Universally despised by all… well all except UK user kael-5 “…I had heard very negative things about the movie I thought it was a wonderful take on Catwoman and personally I feel that its one of the best movies Halle Berry has starred in yet.” So not her Oscar winning role in Monsters Ball then…
“…an awesome experience.”, “…this film is pure genius.”, “This movie rocked” and “This is my favourite movie of all time” could all be comments taken from the reviews of this years instant classic The Dark Knight. Could be but weren’t. Nope this heap of praise was reserved for that REAL classic action film… Jean-Claude Van Damme’s 1994 classic Street Fighter.
The Marksman, the 2005 little seen Wesley Snipes film was poorly received by both critics and fans. But there’s still love for the film on the IMDB, especially by user Myles Wackrow “Watch it! Watch it! if you like any kind of movies watch it. Best movie ever”
Moving on… now when it comes to Get Carter you’d expect to read comments like “It's a winner…“, “The film is a full blooded hit…” and “Beautiful photography, dizzying editing and camera angles…” Well you would. At least for the original. But these were written about the 2000 remake with Sly Stallone replacing Michael Caine, possible one of the worst remakes ever made.Few people would argue that Star Wars: The Phantom Menace was great (or even good). Okay maybe Empire Magazine, that gave the film four stars on it’s original release but few others. Yet the IMDB has a lot of love for Lucas’s stillborn prequel… “It is highly entertaining, and a very nice example of how the best writers and directors and musicians and actors and supporters in the world can turn a large budget into a large film.” (user Randydeluxe)
Searching the whole world wide web there’s not much love at all for the last instalment of the American Ninja franchise, American Ninja V. “This fifth outing in the American Ninja series is just as fine as the others, I got just what I expected….” Although Norway resident user Chrnaess was on his own, even here on the IMDB were even some of the worst movies ever made can find some love (for the record American Ninja 5 was voted 62nd worst film of all time).
On the subject of Ninjas, former wrestler Hulk Hogan obviously needed a new bandana when he signed on to star in 3 Ninjas: High Noon At Mega Mountain, a film that won’t trouble many peoples top films of all times lists. What’s even more scarier than the fact that 4,222 have taken time out of their short lives to watch this film is that IMDB user Jeffuary displays not even a hint of irony in his review of the IMDB’s 55th worst film ever made : “Every once in a while a film comes along that makes you glad to be alive. Cinema is a beautiful art form, and no cinema is more gorgeous than 3 Ninjas: High Noon at Mega Mountain.”.Want more proof the some reviewers on the internet are just a review or two short of a padded room and white coats try these on for size: Batman & Robin “This is definitely one of the best no-brainer films of recent years… “, Kurt Russell uber flop Soldier “Entertaining, thought-provoking and exciting once the action starts!“ and even the terrible Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle “if you're into a fast and fun movie, filled with lots of action, noise and over-the-top scenes, then Charlie's Angels is for you!“
I guess one thing this all shows is that no matter how bad a movie is, somewhere in the world there is an audience for it and if the world can love Showgirls (scrub that even I loved Showgirls) maybe The Happening does stand a
chance… okay maybe not!Finally (and for balance) I thought why not take a look at the comments on feature film project that I worked on - the marmite of action films Left For Dead (dir: Ross Boyask, 2005). “Man this movie sucks I’m glad I didn't pay for it (netflix)…“ It’s fair to say that user Jourdanmc wasn’t a fan whilst user Mike Ellis from Tallahassee, FL has this to say “Don't watch this for action, don't watch it for acting, don't watch it for creativity, only watch it cause it overall it’s worse than any movie you've ever seen.”
Well you really cant please all the people, now can you….
For more check out the Internet Movie Database at www.imdb.com
Phil Hobden
Editor – Combat Film
Next Month: Wrestlers & Action Films
Phil Hobden is an independent filmmaker and freelance writer. His second film TEN DEAD MEN is now available to buy in the UK and he is currently developing his third feature film through his company Modern Life?, In addition he also writes for his own review site Phil’s Quick Capsule Review as well as for various websites and magazines including Impact Magazine and fareastfilms.com. For more on Phil Hobden check out www.philhobden.co.uk or www.mod-life.net
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