Combat Film 22: 2009 Retrospective (Jan 2010)

So with as you read this 2009 is drawing to a close. And, in the tradition of magazines for centuries before us, it’s that time when we look back over the year to see which films blew us a way and which ones left us cold. So here is the Combat Film 2009 Film in review…

The year starting strong with Mickey Rourke in THE WRESTLER , quickly followed by UNDERWORLD 3 which was much better than anyone expected, me especially (I hated the first two). One of the biggest disappointments of the year arrived soon after in WATCHMEN - a film loved by critics but actually away from the hype was rather dull.

The Summer season would turn out to be one of the worst for some time with the majority of the big films being pretty poor. Starting badly with X-MEN ORIGINS: WOLVERINE, TERMINATOR SALVATION arrived soon and was at best average, starting well but sending everyone to sleep with yet another Human vs Terminator in a factory conclusion.

Kids had it pretty rough this year with LAND OF THE LOST, G-FORCE, NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM 2 and YEAR ONE all failing to engage either critics or movie goers. Even the reliable FAST & FURIOUS franchise turned in an effort that was only JUST above average. DRAGONBALL EVOLUTION would mark a real low point for the year, not least for star Chow Yun Fat. He starred in Hardboiled remember. Yes him. Oh and who can forget (well I have tried) the dire TRANSFORMERS 2: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN - a film that made so little sense it could have been in another language. Even HARRY POTTER couldn’t save the day, ending up as an over long and poorly executed misstep in an otherwise awesome franchise.

Plus points of the Summer: The much delayed OUTLANDER finally arrived and was a fun if forgettable romp. GI JOE was better than anyone expected and the truly great STAR TREK was probably the big budget action film of the year. Johnny Depp in Michael Mann’s PUBLIC ENEMY impressed whilst I liked TAKING OF PELHAM 123, even if it got mixed reviews by both press and fans.

September saw DISTRICT 9 arrive on a truck load of hype which it MOSTLY deserved. It also saw the arrival of let down of the year GAMER, from the team behind the much better and highly enjoyable CRANK 2. October was the month of comebacks with Bruce Willis returning in the action sci-fi SURROGATES (not that most people noticed) and Woody Harrelson in the much better Zombie-Action-Comedy ZOMBIELAND.

The much awaiting ONG BAK follow up, ONG BAK: THE BEGINNING reviewed badly, failing to put bums on seats in the UK just like it did in most over countries across the globe when it was released as ONG BAK 2.

Tarantino returned with his much muted World War 2 men on a mission action Nazi fest INGLORIOUS BASTERDS – a love it or hate it kind of movie for most. We loved it giving it a coveted and very rare 5/5.

Direct To DVD superstars Steven Seagal, Cuba Gooding Jnr, Dolph Lungdren and co had another busy year with titles like COMMAND PERFORMANCE, DEVIL’S TOMB and THE KEEPER.

MMA themed NEVER SURRENDER & FIGHTING both missed the mark by miles leaving fight fans craving a truly great mixed martial arts movie. It wasn’t that much better for Wrestlers come action stars this year with the average DAMAGE (Steve Austin) and the dull as dish water 12 ROUNDS (John Cena) impressing few.

Elsewhere (from the ‘Not Combat Film’ section) film of the year could well end up being Disney Pixar’s UP, yet another amazing film from one of the worlds most reliable studios. Vegas comedy THE HANGOVER was another top notch outing this year whilst DRAG ME TO HELL saw Sam Rami back in top form. SLUMDOG MILLIONARE was as good as everyone said and GRAN TORINO, probably Clint’s acting farewell, was a joy to behold.

So rounding up:

Film of The Year: UP

Action Film Of The Year: STAR TREK

Diamond In the Rough: GI JOE.

‘Could Have Been A Contender’ but Wasn’t Award: TRANSFORMERS 2

Looser Of The Year: MMA. Two poor MMA films did little to help the sub-genre.

Roll On 2010: The Expendables

And that’s 2009 done and dusted. As for 2010… well with the new A TEAM movie, Vampire film DAYBREAKERS, Hughes Brothers return with BOOK OF ELI, action-comedy KICK ASS, Robert Rodriguez latest MACHETTE, IRON MAN 2, PREDATORS and (sigh) The KARATE KID remake maybe 2010 will live up to expectations. Maybe…

Phil Hobden

Editor – Combat Film

http://www.mod-life.net

Next Month: We Review Ong Bak: The Beginning; Blood & Bone; Fireball

Combat Film : The Reviews (Jan 10)

Also Reviewd: Hurt Locker; Beast Stalker; Pelham 123

Combat Film 021: Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris, champion martial artist, all around legend and star of ‘Walker Texas Ranger’. But what did I REALLY know about Chuck Norris? As it stands very little because after just a short trawl through the wonderful world of the World Wide Web I found these stunning and frankly amazing Chuck Norris facts.

Readers, get ready to be astounded as Combat film presents 24 little known facts about THE Chuck Norris…

•When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris

•Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

•There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.

•Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.

•Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.

•Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.

•Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.

•Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

•Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

•There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

•Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

•Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

•Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

•Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

•Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

•There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.

•When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

•Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

•Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

•Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

•Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

•Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

•Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost

•Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.

See and you thought you knew Chuck!

For more Chuck Norris facts check out the simply wonderful http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/. For more on Chuck Norris check out Play.com for films ,like Delta Force, Invasion USA and Missing In Action to name but a few.

Phil Hobden
Editor – Combat Film
http://www.mod-life.net/

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Combat Film : The Reviews (Dec 09)

Also: Blood Rain ; The Keeper; A World Without Thieves & Red Cliff

Next Month: District 9

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Combat Film 020: Slamming Into Movies…

Combat Film: Slamming Into Movies…

With 12 ROUNDS, the latest Wrestler starring action film, hitting DVD this month I thought it might be a prudent time to take a look at back at the rather chequered past of pro-wrestler/action film combos that have (mostly) blighted cinema over the past twenty plus years since the sport broke bit in the mid-late 80’s.

To start of? The biggest star of them all, multiple champion and wrestling legend Hulk Hogan who for sure was the trend setter for the wrestler movie cross over. Although maybe not in a good way. SUBURBAN COMMANDO, NO HOLDS BARRED and MR NANNY were all pretty dire with his only notable performance coming from a brief showing in ROCKY 3. If we’re honest Terry ‘Hulk Hogan’ Bolea was never a great actor and his films were , for the most part, pretty bad. But then again the majority of Wrestler-movie combinations have been pretty bad.

Edge in HIGHLANDER: END GAME, Big Show Paul Wright in JINGLE ALL THE WAY, Rob Van Damn in BLOOD MASK 2, Jeep Swenson in BATMAN & ROBIN and The Warrior in FIRE POWER (no me either) are just a few of the crimes against cinema that wrestlers have featured in.

If you want really bad however then look no further than WCW themed movie READY TO RUMBLE which featured numerous wrestlers but forgot story and direction. Diamond Dallas Page, Goldberg, Bam Bam Bigelow and others all took part in this abomination.

Better served was Andre The Giant in the classic THE PRINCESS BRIDE. But for my money probably the best wrestler-movie combo comes in the much underrated THEY LIVE, the 80’s sci-fi film starring Rowdy Roddy Piper which, along side the wrestler-less The Thing, is probably one of John Carpenters best films.

Blurring the line between fact and fiction was THE WRESTLER. Necro Butcher, Ron Killings, Ernest ‘The Cat’ Miller and numerous other small time Ring Of Honour and Combat Zone Wrestling performers.

With the launch of WWE films a whole new batch of wrestler starring movies hit the screens. ‘Stone Cold’ Steve Austin featured alongside fellow sports exile Vinnie Jones in the Hard Target/Big Brother mash up THE CONDEMED whilst Kane starred in the critically slammed horror SEE NO EVIL (aka Ice Scream Man, which was a far better title). The latest wrestler to get the big movie push care of WWE films is John Cena whose Commando-esk action film THE MARINE was surprisingly good, even if the recent follow up 12 ROUNDS fell short.

Most wrestlers per film (save for those actually about wrestling of course) probably goes to the actually rather good but critically slated remake of THE LONGEST YARD which featured Goldberg (also see JCVD vehicle Universal Solider: The Return) , Giant Khali, Kevin Nash, Steve Austin and Bob Sapp all making appearances along side Adam Sandler and personal favourite Brian ‘The Boz’ Bosworth (star of the underappreciated Stone Cold).

Commentator, Wrestler and politician Jesse ‘The Body’ Ventura had a brief run in 80’s actions films like THE RUNNING MAN and alongside the Guvernator in THE PREDATOR. Oh and he popped up very briefly in Wesley Snipes/Stallone Vehicle DEMONLITION MAN. On the subject of cameos look out for blink and you’ll miss them app from Macho Man Randy Savage in SPIDERMAN, Triple H in BLADE TRINITY, Tommy “Tiny” Lister in THE FIFTH ELEMENT , Tor Johnson in the so bad its terrible PLAN 9 FROM OUTERSPACE.

The most successful? Well that title would have to go to Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson. SCORPION KING, WALKING TALL, THE RUNDOWN and most recently RACE TO WITCH MOUNTAIN have all been both financially and (mostly) critically successful. In fact Walking Tall is one of my favourite action films of the past 5 years… thanks in no small part to Mr Johnson’s considerable personality and charisma.

’12 Rounds is out on Blu-ray and DVD on12th October’

Phil Hobden
Combat Film

http://www.mod-life.net/

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Combat Film : The Reviews (Nov 09)

Also: 50 Dead Men Walking; No Retreat, No Surrender 3

Next Month: Terminator Salvation

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Combat Film 019: The Wonderful world of Fan Critics… Part 2

A few months back, I took an affectionate look at the wonderful world of user comments & reviews from the world famous Internet Movie Database. This month I continue my look at Internet Critics, this time looking at those films that only a mother could love. Films that are so bad they are just, well bad. Well, at least for most people…

Catwoman is a terrible movie. Universally despised by all… well all except UK user kael-5 “…I had heard very negative things about the movie I thought it was a wonderful take on Catwoman and personally I feel that its one of the best movies Halle Berry has starred in yet.” So not her Oscar winning role in Monsters Ball then…

“…an awesome experience.”, “…this film is pure genius.”, “This movie rocked” and “This is my favourite movie of all time” could all be comments taken from the reviews of this years instant classic The Dark Knight. Could be but weren’t. Nope this heap of praise was reserved for that REAL classic action film… Jean-Claude Van Damme’s 1994 classic Street Fighter.

The Marksman, the 2005 little seen Wesley Snipes film was poorly received by both critics and fans. But there’s still love for the film on the IMDB, especially by user Myles Wackrow “Watch it! Watch it! if you like any kind of movies watch it. Best movie ever”

Moving on… now when it comes to Get Carter you’d expect to read comments like “It's a winner…“, “The film is a full blooded hit…” and “Beautiful photography, dizzying editing and camera angles…” Well you would. At least for the original. But these were written about the 2000 remake with Sly Stallone replacing Michael Caine, possible one of the worst remakes ever made.

Few people would argue that Star Wars: The Phantom Menace was great (or even good). Okay maybe Empire Magazine, that gave the film four stars on it’s original release but few others. Yet the IMDB has a lot of love for Lucas’s stillborn prequel… “It is highly entertaining, and a very nice example of how the best writers and directors and musicians and actors and supporters in the world can turn a large budget into a large film.” (user Randydeluxe)

Searching the whole world wide web there’s not much love at all for the last instalment of the American Ninja franchise, American Ninja V. “This fifth outing in the American Ninja series is just as fine as the others, I got just what I expected….” Although Norway resident user Chrnaess was on his own, even here on the IMDB were even some of the worst movies ever made can find some love (for the record American Ninja 5 was voted 62nd worst film of all time).

On the subject of Ninjas, former wrestler Hulk Hogan obviously needed a new bandana when he signed on to star in 3 Ninjas: High Noon At Mega Mountain, a film that won’t trouble many peoples top films of all times lists. What’s even more scarier than the fact that 4,222 have taken time out of their short lives to watch this film is that IMDB user Jeffuary displays not even a hint of irony in his review of the IMDB’s 55th worst film ever made : “Every once in a while a film comes along that makes you glad to be alive. Cinema is a beautiful art form, and no cinema is more gorgeous than 3 Ninjas: High Noon at Mega Mountain.”.

Want more proof the some reviewers on the internet are just a review or two short of a padded room and white coats try these on for size: Batman & Robin “This is definitely one of the best no-brainer films of recent years… “, Kurt Russell uber flop Soldier “Entertaining, thought-provoking and exciting once the action starts!“ and even the terrible Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle “if you're into a fast and fun movie, filled with lots of action, noise and over-the-top scenes, then Charlie's Angels is for you!“

I guess one thing this all shows is that no matter how bad a movie is, somewhere in the world there is an audience for it and if the world can love Showgirls (scrub that even I loved Showgirls) maybe The Happening does stand a chance… okay maybe not!

Finally (and for balance) I thought why not take a look at the comments on feature film project that I worked on - the marmite of action films Left For Dead (dir: Ross Boyask, 2005). “Man this movie sucks I’m glad I didn't pay for it (netflix)…“ It’s fair to say that user Jourdanmc wasn’t a fan whilst user Mike Ellis from Tallahassee, FL has this to say “Don't watch this for action, don't watch it for acting, don't watch it for creativity, only watch it cause it overall it’s worse than any movie you've ever seen.”

Well you really cant please all the people, now can you….

For more check out the Internet Movie Database at www.imdb.com

Phil Hobden
Editor – Combat Film

Next Month: Wrestlers & Action Films

Phil Hobden is an independent filmmaker and freelance writer. His second film TEN DEAD MEN is now available to buy in the UK and he is currently developing his third feature film through his company Modern Life?, In addition he also writes for his own review site Phil’s Quick Capsule Review as well as for various websites and magazines including Impact Magazine and fareastfilms.com. For more on Phil Hobden check out www.philhobden.co.uk or www.mod-life.net

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